5 Reasons Riding a Bike Is The Most Humiliating Exercise

canada goose deals Sit on your bike seat. Can you put one foot down on the ground? YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. That’s what they told me anyway. canada goose deals

Common sense tells you that when you come to a stop on your bike, you want to be able to quickly canada goose store put a foot down so you don’t, you know, fall over.

But apparently that’s crazy talk. You’re actually supposed to be able to fully extend your leg when the pedal is all the way down, to get Canada Goose Coats On Sale full use of your Canada Goose Outlet leg muscles, because pedaling with your knees always bent is like duck walking a footrace you’re not fully using your muscles, and the other racers will laugh heartily at you.

Unless you are holding a guitar.

canada goose Since the pedal is several inches above the ground (or it would scrape it), that puts your foot several inches above the ground when your leg is fully extended which means you can’t put your foot down. If your seat is at the proper height, and you come to a stop and try to put your foot down, you will fall over, and the other bikers will laugh heartily at you. canada goose

canada goose coats The guitar isn’t going to help you here. canada goose coats

And if you get on the normal way, swinging your leg over the seat with the bike tilted toward you, and then lean upright to get underway, well, a road bike in particular is liable to canada goose uk outlet turn as you get on, because it’s sensitive, and you steer by cheap canada goose uk leaning left and right. So you can find yourself turning into traffic, or maybe the curb, which Canada Goose sale never turns out well.

canada goose clearance sale So how are you supposed to get off and on? Well, you’re supposed to straddle the crossbar, then put one foot on one of the pedals, and push the bike forward, picking up your other foot, like you’re on a scooter. You’re supposed to go from ground to scooter buy canada goose jacket position to sitting canadian goose jacket on the seat, to get on, and the opposite to get off, which is easy to do with a bit of practice, but who the hell is going to remember an orderly series of steps 1 2 3 when you’re about to ride into an obstacle and you hit the brakes? canada goose clearance sale

Canada Goose sale Not me! I prefer an unexpected crotch full of crossbar apparently. Canada Goose sale

buy canada goose jacket What if people are too wily to fall off their bikes just because you raised their seats? Well, the cycling community has just the thing to deal with them toe clips. Clips that hold your feet canada goose uk shop to the pedals, whether you like it or not. buy canada goose jacket

“What if the rider can’t get their foot off in time because it’s actually fastened to the pedal with something cheap Canada Goose that looks like an S torture device?” one of the Real canada goose clearance sale Bicyclist Club members no doubt proposed one day, to resounding uk canada goose applause. And so toe clips were born.

Most serious bicyclists wouldn’t dream of using toe clips, however, and have special clipless pedals that lock onto special cleats on special bike shoes.

canadian goose jacket It all costs special amounts of money too. canadian goose jacket

Canada Goose online They’ll talk like toe clips and cleats are completely different things even though it’s quite obvious to a terrified clumsy person like me that they both attach your goddamn feet to the goddamn pedals. Canada Goose online

Canada Goose Parka “No sweetie, that’s twine, not canada goose coats on sale rope. Totally different thing. You’ll be fine.” Canada Goose Parka

cheap Canada Goose Of course they’ve come up with an excuse for this, which is efficiency. With a regular bike pedal, you only push down. Strapping your feet in with those deathtraps allows you to also pull the pedals up, giving you extra power, at the cost of immortality. If you’re riding in a group and everyone else has them, you’re liable to get left behind. cheap Canada Goose

canada goose black friday sale They come with oddly appropriate brand names like “Chamois Butt’r,” “Assos” (a general cycling supplier whose name happens to fit this one product surprisingly well), Canada Goose online “Udderly SMOOth” and “Bag Balm” brands of ass cream that anyone would be proud to ring up at the counter. canada goose black friday sale

canada goose clearance So yeah, if the certainty of falling off your bike doesn’t scare you, junior, why don’t you just lube up your ass, put on some disturbing looking shorts, and hop up on that donut seat. You see what I mean? They are totally just waiting to see when you will catch on. canada goose clearance

Canada Goose Outlet If you’re a man, it Canada Goose Jackets gets worse. Not only does Canada Goose Online the seat feel like it’s destroying your balls, it might actually be destroying your balls. Heavy duty riding over a long period of time compresses your perineum also known as the “taint” or “gooch” for people who like to giggle while talking about serious medical problems. (Really.) Canada Goose Outlet

canada goose coats on sale That compresses a vital channel inside canada goose uk black friday your chode, a channel which is actually known to actual doctors as Alcock’s canal. That canal houses a nerve and an artery that allows you to both get boners and put them to use. If you constantly pinch it by riding the Tour de France or something, then you will pitch no more tents. canada goose coats on sale

buy canada goose jacket cheap Researchers estimate this affects 5% of male cyclists who will canada goose black friday sale admit it, plus a larger canada goose clearance percentage of male cyclists who are too embarrassed to admit they’ve https://www.canadagoosestorevip.com neutered themselves. buy canada goose jacket cheap

Bike seats exist that are easier on your grundle, and suppliers are constantly inventing more taint friendly seats, but very few seats are completely innocent of attempting to gradually castrate their riders.

Pro cyclist Mark Cavendish celebrates a win by asking the crowd what happened to his sperm count.

Canada Goose Jackets And what about something that both genders are interested in, for different reasons canada goose outlet lady parts? Well, just like with men, biking too much can lead to numbness in a lady’s special area which is certainly not a good thing, but doesn’t seem to cause actual sexual dysfunction. So there’s that. Canada Goose Jackets

canada goose store If you look at any rack of biking jerseys, it looks like a clown wardrobe. There are a couple of reasons for the bright colors cars almost never look for bicyclists on purpose, so you have buy canada goose jacket cheap to stand out like a sore thumb to be safe canada goose store.